Frieza's really, really rotten luck
by SuperSaiyanInfinity
Summary: When Frieza's worst enemies come to HFIL, how will he survive? Will he ever get out of a cast? Will he ever stop being a whiny scaredy-cat baby? Rated T for swearing.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I don't own DBZ**

**Frieza's really, really rotten luck.**

It was a normal day in HFIL. Frieza sighed with boredom. He was currently playing their version of Go Fish, with his brother and dad.

"Got any destruction of Earth's?" Cooler asked and King Cold answered

"Nope, go fish." Frieza said "Got any punching Goku in the gut?" Cooler said, "Damn it!" and handed a card to Frieza. It had a simple picture of Goku being punched through his chest.

"I-" Cooler started to be interrupted by Zarbon and Salza walking into the room.

"I heard there's a new arrival coming." Zarbon said and Salza said,

"Rumor is he's a Saiyan." _Yes!_ Frieza thought with glee _I could make fun of him and finally have some fun, maybe beat him up before Pikkon comes and deals with me! _Apparently Cooler was thinking the same thing because he said, "Let's go check it out." They went to as close to the gates as they were allowed and waited. Eventually they opened and the new arrival walked in. He definitely looked Saiyan though he didn't see a tail. He had the normal Saiyan black hair, he was wearing around his waist some sort of red cloth. He had a jeweled necklace and arm bracelets on. He was also extremely muscular. Frieza walked up to him and said

"Oh hi, are you a Saiyan, cause if you are, I destroyed your planet! Yeah, that's right you monkey I destroyed your planet! What do you think of that!" Frieza exclaimed. The Saiyan walked up to him and simply said

"I'm Broly, and I'm going to kill you now."

"Uh-huh and how do you plan on doing that!" Frieza asked. He was answered with Broly transforming into a Super Saiyan only he had green hair, a green aura, and he became massively muscular.

"NO! NOT AGAIN! NOOO!" Frieza screamed in terror as Broly grabbed him and shoved him into the ground. He laughed and then made an underground cavern with an energy blast. Pulling Frieza down as Frieza screamed

"NOOOO! HELP ME! PLEASE! HELP! NOOO!" He screamed as Broly and him disappeared from sight underground. His screaming continued as loud whacking and explosions could be heard distinctly and little pieces of rock flew out of the cave.

"NO! PLEASE NO! I DIDN'T MEAN IT! NOO! NOT-AAAAGGHH!" And then the screaming stopped. Broly walked out, and looked at Cooler and King Cold.

"You're next." he decided and dragged them down too. They screamed too for a long time. The whole time the HFIL authorities where completely aware, but turned a let's say blind eye. Pikkon, and Olibu, who had been sent down to deal with it, had returned howling with laughter. As Olibu wiped a tear from his eye they began to laugh again.

**A long time later**

It had been a long time since Broly had beat him up, and Frieza still wore a full body cast along with his father, and brother, but it still allowed them to move. Currently, they had become tired of Go Fish and had begun to play Poker. Right now, he was playing with, Raditz, Nappa, Dodoria, Zarbon, and Cui. He had begun to lose to Zarbon, who was quite a shark, so he finally said

"Alright let me win, or your fired!" He said and Zarbon exclaimed,

"Damn! Fine, whatever." And Frieza thought he heard him mutter

"Lousy-fricken-sore loser."

"What did you say!" Frieza yelled and they began to fight. Everybody else looked on with amusement. Nappa and Dodoria started an arm wrestling contest, and Raditz, and Cui continued playing. Then they all stopped dead in their tracks as… Vegeta appeared and walked in!

"AAAAAHH! NOOO!" Frieza, Zarbon, Dodoria, and Cui all yelled. Vegeta walked forward and said,

"The perk of being in HFIL is the fact I get to beat you guys up." He said going SS2. He cracked his knuckles and advanced ominously.

"NOOOO!" Frieza, Dodoria, Zarbon, and Cui screamed. Nappa, and Raditz didn't think he would hurt them but weren't taking any chances so they got the HFIL outta there! They didn't look back as they heard more screaming and some punching. The last thing they heard as they left was from Frieza,

"SERIOUSLY! WHY-OOF DO I-OWW-HAVE SUCH-AGH ROTTEN LUCK-AAH!" He wailed in anger and pain.

**Me: That is the first and only chapter if I can't think of anybody else who could beat Frieza up *Vegeta walks in* Vegeta: Hehe, that felt good. I've been wanting to get back at that mother-****** for a long time. …Well this is going to hurt, but…Thanks for putting me in HFIL with him.** **Me: Your welcome. *Frieza walks in* Frieza: I hate you all! Vegeta: I guess you want more! *Chases Frieza out of the room* Me: Hehe that is pretty funny, so if you have any ideas for more enemies of Frieza to beat him up tell me! *Frieza flies through wall and Vegeta flies after him* Vegeta: You won't escape me! Me: I'm getting popcorn and a recording camera! *Pikkon and Olibu walk in* Them: Wait for us!**


	2. Chapter Two: The Grand Finale

**Chapter Two: The Grand Finale!**

"I'm bored! And I still hurt! Get me some Advil Zarbon NOW!" Frieza whined as his dead henchmen clustered around him. Though they all said they were sorry, they were probably laughing their butts off inside Frieza knew, but he couldn't do anything about it as long as it was inside, but if he saw as much as a smirk, cast or no cast, that guy would be going straight to HFI-_Oh, wait they were already there, so he would have to just beat him up_. Frieza thought ending his mental ramblings _I'm just glad nobody else is going to beat me up, because Vegeta went back to the living and Broly is under constant watch, but the authorities might let him go just for a laugh, they wouldn't would they? _Frieza got up and shouted impatiently

"WHERE IS MY GOD-DAMNED ADVIL, ZARBON!" Zarbon rushed in, he also had a cast, but he had took less damage, and gave it to him then left.

"NOW LEAVE!" Frieza shouted at his henchmen and they all did just that.

**~One Month later~**

Frieza was feeling better and was walking to where Cell was staying to try to con him out of whatever he got from the guards by usually beating them up, when Jeice ran up and told him, there was a newcomer to HFIL, and Frieza immediately cringed. _Oh no! Maybe he'll beat me up too! _He thought and went back to where he was staying, to hide. A few hours later the newcomer came in. Baby walked up to him and asked,

"Do you know who I am?" "uhh… no." Frieza said and Baby answered

"I am Baby, a genetically engineered parasitic Tuffle that was created to destroy the Saiyans, and unfortunately for you I know you took away from me the chance to massacre the Saiyan race like they did mine. So I'm GOING TO KILL YOU!" Frieza said

"Oh crap not again! The casts just came off" As Baby advanced towards him Frieza screamed,

"FATHER! BROTHER! ZARBON! CELL! Anybody?" and then Baby charged at him

"HELP ME!" Frieza screamed as Baby maniacally laughed. Zarbon walked in an hour later. He found Frieza missing his legs, and arms. His skin had a slight resemblance to putty after being beat up so much.

"Another cast huh?" Zarbon inquired

"Shut uhh… Fuckin up." Frieza said moaning with pain.

**~Three days later~**

Frieza was leaving the residence of the ancient (obviously evil) wizard they had found in the trusty HFIL phonebook. He had been completely healed and was feeling as good as new. He had just opened the door and walked out when he saw… An army of Saiyans! He estimated it was every single Saiyan he had killed with his fateful Supernova.

"AH COME ON! HOW MUCH WORSE COULD MY LIFE GET!" Frieza yelled frustrated, then someone threw a power ball. They all turned into Great Apes.

"I JUST HAD TO SAY SOMETHING!" Frieza screamed at the sky and then looked forward and gulped.

"I-I didn't mean to blow up your planet, you know that!" He said as they advanced then they all charged straight at him.

"P-PLEASE! NO! NOT THE-OOWW! NOO! AAGGHH! OOOFF! AAHH! NOT THE FACE! THIS IS WHY I HATE SAIYANS! OH CRAP-OOF I SHOULDN"T-AAH OF-OW SAID-AGH THAT!" He screamed and the sounds of roaring, biting, punching, and blasting echoed through HFIL. Afterwards King Cold found him as a puddle of white-purple goop. Somehow he survived and they healed him eventually.

**Me: Hehe well that's all for this story. Oh wait I forgot the grand finale! OH FRIEEEEZA! Frieza: WHAT THE FUCK! *I whistle* Me: GET HIM! *suddenly, Broly, Vegeta, Baby, and the Saiyan race in Great Ape form appear in front of Frieza* **

***Everything goes in slow-mo and classical music plays***

**Frieza: NNNNOOOOOO!" *runs away slowly* Horde: RRRAAAGGGHHH! III"LLLL KKKIIILLL YYYOOUUU! KKKAAAAKKKAAARRROOOTTT! *The music reaches climax and the fist of the horde are about to make contact***

**Frieza:NNNNNOOOOOOOO! *Your screen goes blank and you can hear blasting, punching, laughing, biting, and roaring* Me: Ooh! That's gotta hurt! Wow! Well see ya later! Whoa!**


End file.
